**I started a blog series where I talk about the person behind the Freelance Writer and last week I gave a quick summery of my growing up years**

This week I want to focus on my favorite family activities and what we enjoyed doing. I will point out the top three activities we participated in while growing up that defines a small portion of who I am today:

1) Camping: My family LOVED going camping! We would go camping to Florida, along the coast of Georgia, and once in South Carolina. We would pack up everything in our pop-up camper, packed a tent or two, and headed on down to the beach! My sister and I loved the beach and always grew excited. My family would sometimes go with our grandparents who we adored. These trips were always too much fun as my Grandmama would say it. We would lay on the beach, sipping coke and eating potato chips, which were the only times we ate potato chips and drank coke. My sister Leah and I would build sand castles and read our books until we turned beet red. We would hike, shop, go sightseeing, and fish. At night, we would all sit around the fire and talk and laugh. I have very fond memories of my family camping. Then my parents decided they were no longer fit for camping and we started to stay in condos and hotels. Regardless, we still loved it. Today, I still love going camping, but unfortunately, my husband and I have two very different views on camping and we are working on a good compromise for it.

2) Church: My family was always involved in church, no matter which one we went to. They were involved in Children’s Church, youth group, Bible studies, sound and slides, and volunteered for church events. We jumped around for a while, going to a different churches every 2-4 years. But finally, when I was 17, we found the church that they still attend today. It’s a wonderful church who loves my autistic brother, Brandon, and involve him with everything! I even helped with youth group while I was there. I really loved that and maybe one day I’ll get back into helping with youth. I knew that because my parents raised me in church and I always sought out mentors during my lifetime, I would keep this up. And I have. 

3) Family Gatherings: I know I mentioned this in my last post, but we got together with family A LOT! My Grandmama loved her family and tried to get every chance to get together with them. We used to go over to my Grandmama and Papa’s house to watch football or just to hang out. We had family gatherings on all the major holidays where us kids would run around and play hide-n-go-seek! I don’t know how my parents ever worried about us because we all loved playing at night. Go figure, right? My sister and I were very close to our cousins Wesley and Stephanie, who by the way, we still get together with when I come to town to visit. It’s just like old times! We used to sit around and giggle and laugh about who knows what. We were close in age and loved hanging around one another. On July 4^th, we would invite both sides of the family over to my parents house and had a buffet full of food, watermelon, and good ole sweet tea! Family was important and always came first. That is what I learned while growing up and it’s very true to this day. 

I know, very short over view, but if I had it my way, it will be a novel instead of a blog. Next week, I’ll focus on my two siblings, Leah and Brandon.

These are the days that I wish I could give up and run away. I am tired and feeling hopeless. My days are swarmed with thoughts of the unforeseeable future and it feels bleak. I am exhausted. I start doubting who I am and why did I make the decisions that now feel like  the wrong choices. I feel like I’m hanging onto hope by a thread. It’s a horrible feeling. It’s a dark feeling.

If you’re feeling like this because something in your life isn’t going the way you think it should, then I’m there with you. Your case is possibly different than mine and that’s okay. Some days it feels like running away is the best and only option we have.

The other morning I was reading my Bible after not reading it for a couple of weeks due to my busy schedule, I was rereading some verses that I had memorized as a child. I dealt with a lot of fear back then and I still do – although the fear has developed into something else.

I was reading Romans 8:15-16, which states, “For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.”  The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God.”

My dad got me to memorize these verses as a child because I literally had panic attacks. When I had one, I used to not be hungry for three days afterwards. Sometimes I would just panic and curl up because I couldn’t move. So he asked if I could memorize these verse and 2 Timothy 1:7 that states, “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and a sound mind.” He hoped it would help me remember who to put my trust in and it did help.

But as you know, your childhood fears seem so little compare to the ones you face as a grown adult. So 15-18 years later (it’s crazy I can say that!), I was on my coach in Cheyenne, Wyoming, reading the verses after that. I then came to this verse and it stood out to me in a BIG way.

“But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance.” Romans 8:25

I feel like my hope has been fading, that my future was turning darker because I can’t see past my own fears. But this verse struck me because it asked me two questions: What is it that I hope for that I cannot see? And how am I going to wait for it with perseverance?

I had to sit there for a moment and ponder on those two questions that I felt like God was asking me. What was it that I was so desperately hoping for that I cannot see it? What am I going to do to persevere?

So I am calling you out to ask you these same questions because if you’re anything like me, you have or are or will be asking yourself, “How did I get here? Why is hope no longer in my sight?”

What do you hope for that you cannot see? Is it a better marriage? A better job? That your life will stop being thrown in chaos? Is it for your children to make the right choices instead of going down a dark spiral that you know will end in pure darkness? What is it that you hope in? What is it that you hope so bad will come true that your vision is being blurred by impatience or discouragement?

How are you going to persevere while waiting for that hope? How are you going to make your mark while waiting? What steps are you taking or going to take to make sure you are going to be steadfast in your perseverance?  

These are some hard questions that I am still asking myself. I know what I hope for, but as far as perseverance, I know these things: God is working, God is obviously saving me from much heartache, and He has placed people in my life to help guide me. He has also given me His Word to lean on during this time in my life.

So I ask you one more time: What hope are you hanging onto and cannot see and how is that helping you persevere?

Giving up is not the answer, although it seems the logical choice. Remember, James 1:2 tell us to “count it all joy when you fall into various trials.” God is telling you and me to hang in there, to keep going, for He promises a purer work inside of us, a work where we are “lacking nothing” (James 1:4). 

It sucks, but remember, we got each other and that’s the way God created and designed us to be. Don’t make yourself an Island and wonder later why you feel so lonely. God didn’t design you for that. He says in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

That hope may not always be seen now, but He promises if we wait with perseverance, then the waiting will be worth more than gold and diamonds.

Be blessed in your perseverance and continue to hope, especially when life gets dark and there’s no sun. Always remember that God is working, even when we cannot feel or see Him. He got us, you and me, held tightly in His loving arms.

 Many of you know me by what I write about on this blog, which have been marriage, facing issues, overcoming these issues, and other things. But I want you to know me on a personal level and to get to know the real me behind my freelancing, then I should start with my background. So I would like to start with an overall background of my younger years and as the blogs progress, I will focus on specific time periods or people that impacted my life.

I was born and raised in a small town called Byron, Georgia, where I grew up playing in the dirt with little toy cars and running around with a wild imagination (in my parents yard mind you). I have a older sister named Leah, who partake in our dirt playing cars adventures and in the winter, we would play barbies for hours on end until my mom ruined it by making us do chores. Boring! I have a younger brother who has autism and his name is Brandon. One of my favorite memories of all of us is when we played with barbies, he would always get out his GI Joe doll and take my little Indian girl doll and acted like the Indian girl was beating up the GI Joe doll. It was pretty funny to watch.

My parents are Andy and Beth and with them, I grew up in a home where we laughed a lot and spent time together. My dad was one of those people who liked getting the newest and coolest gadgets when it became more affordable, so we might have been behind the times on our video games (everyone was getting Xbox and we were playing Saga, but hey, we had fun!), but it didn’t stop us from enjoying the things we had.

My entire family is located in Central Georgia and it didn’t take us but 30 to 40 minutes to get to my grandparents’ house. We probably got together with my dad side of the family once a month just for cookouts, holidays, and watching football. Yes, I grew up having to love the Atlanta Falcons and the Georgia Bulldogs. We despised Georgia Tech, so I’m sorry if you’re a Georgia Tech fan and find this slightly offensive. We got together with my mom’s side of the family probably every other month and holidays. 

But on July 4^th, we would invite both sides of the family to our house and always had a blast. My dad and uncles always got into fireworks and we would shoot off big and little rockets when it got dark. It was amazing to me that we could have both sides of the family and have such a good time. I know many, many families cannot say this, but I was fortunate and bless to experience this type of unity when I was younger.

I know this was all a little bit jumbled, but I promise, the next blog will be more focused on my memories with my immediate family. So stay tuned for a more focus blog and to learn more about who I am besides the writer.