Thanksgiving Depression

Thanksgiving should be a time of cheer, a time to be spent with family and friends. It’s a time to celebrate, be thankful, and most importantly – be happy. But if you’re anything like me, then you’re not happy. Seeing all the “Happy Thanksgiving!” posts on Facebook makes you sad. On top of all that, you’re homesick. While everyone is off seeing their families, you’re not. Because like me, I live 2500 miles away from my family. That’s two days worth of traveling; $400+ for a plane ticket. And I am desperately homesick.
 

I have been battling depression, negative thoughts, and hopelessness since Monday. I’ve been battling stress, sadness, and loneliness. And I feel the more I battle, the more depressed and weary I become.

I know many people see me as this bubbly, cheery person. In fact, a lot of people depend on that in me. But this week has been rough and I’m not even happy or cheery this Thanksgiving Day. Yes, I understand it’s a choice I have to make to be happy, but sometimes the overwhelming sensation of hopelessness beats you down to the core where you feel you can’t find joy anywhere.

I’ve been praying hard these past few days and been reading God’s Word, praying with my mentors, and crying. I know I needed to spend time with God and one of the places He lead me was back to a Bible study I’m doing with a few women from my church. It’s entitled “Keep Pressing Ahead” by Chip Ingram, who pastors at a church in California. I listened to the first part of the first lesson last night because I couldn’t finish the second half.

One of the first words out of Chip’s mouth was “Do you feel like you’re ready to give up? Opt out? Go away? Because it’s all too much?” Yep, that’s me. He goes on to talk about the reasons why you want to give up, opt out, and I clearly identified with some of them. He begins to discuss how we should preserve because that is what God wants. “Maybe you think to yourself, ‘I don’t believe in that anymore.’” And I’m almost to that point; to the point where God’s promises are just not enough (even though deep down I know. Maybe it’s pride… probably is). 

He goes on. Good ole Chip.

He reads Hebrews 10:36, “For you have need for endurance so that when you have done the will of God, you might receive what is promised.” God says it this way, in very simple terms, KEEP PRESSING AHEAD!

How can I keep pressing ahead in my impossible situation? You and I both wonder as he talks about what God wants us to do when we’re at our wits end. Here are the four steps and he calls them “Understanding the Basics”.

The first step: You CAN’T. But Christ CAN. In Philippians 4:13, it reads, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” God never expects us to go through life without crying, pleading out to Him to help us. He has never given us too much to handle. In 1 Corinthians 10:13, it says, “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” 

“My temptation is beyond me!” or “There is no way of escape!” Maybe God was meaning that crying out to Him and praying to Him is sometimes our way of escape. Because I cannot do it, only Christ can do it through me. He has promised us that He will always make a way of escape, it’s probably not in the form that we want it to be, but I believe sometimes that form comes from humbling ourselves and saying, “Jesus, I cannot do this. I need Your help.” 

The second step: Believe God wants to help you. In Psalms 34:19, it says, “Many of the afflictions of the righteous, But the LORD delivers him out of them all.” What Chip pointed out was that the Bible just said, “If you’re a Christian, you will have afflictions. Expect it. It will come. But the LORD of all creation will get you through it. That’s a promise.” 

Another thing Chip pointed out was the Bible just said the RIGHTEOUS were afflicted, good people who followed God, people who said, “God I want to follow You, obey You, love You.” Afflictions will come to them, but God promised to get them through it. If I am a child of God, then He has called me righteous, a chosen person, His daughter, then I WILL have affliction. But going back to 1 Corinthians, my affliction is not common to man. And Jesus will deliver me from it.

I have to BELIEVE that God wants to help me get out of my pit. He desperately wants that for my life. But I have to believe it and then ACT on it. Yes, it’s tough to do! Yes, it’s crappy! I hate it! I want life to be easy! But we’re still on grasping the basics, there’s a another part that Chip talks about why God allows afflictions and trials to come to our lives. And that’s for another day.

Third step: Admit you need His help. In Psalm 34:18, it states, “The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit.” The word contrite means, “feeling or expressing remorse or penitence; affected by guilt.” Another translation says, "a crushed spirit." Here’s another promise: God is near to those who has a remorseful spirit, a broken heart, and He saves them from this agony. 

This is when we have to remember the first two steps: I can’t, but Christ can. I have to believe that God wants to save me. Then I need humble myself and admit I need His help. I need His healing, I need His forgiveness, grace, compassion, love, and mercy. Because I am too distraught to move forward; but we have to come to this place where we’re broken enough to give up our hurts, feelings of downcast, and lonliness to the One who can take that burden off our shoulders. God promises this throughout His word:

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. Psalm 57:17

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3

For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: “I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite. Isaiah 57:15

When we come to a place of humility and brokenness, God can not only heal us, but make us stronger, teach us lessons about Himself, and help us to become more like His Son, Jesus.

Step four: Cry out for His help. Psalm 34:17, “The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears, And delivers them out of all their troubles.” When we CRY out with a voice and beg of God to save us, He hears and delivers us out of our troubles. This, once again, is the righteous, the good people, the people who want to follow after God’s heart, who is crying out to God. And I can guarantee you these righteous people were not saying a little, nice prayer that went something like this, “Oh dear Lord, please help me get out of this tragedy. Thy Word sayth this and I believeth it.” 

You better believe they were crying, begging, tears splashing out of their eyes, gnashing their teeth, on their knees, screaming out to God to help them in their agony. I can only imagine the prayers they prayed from the prayers I have prayed to God when I am in deep distraught. I have prayed prayers to God with my heart heavy, my heart tearing, tears pouring out of my eyes. I believe that when it says the righteous (which is me and you) cry out to God, they are literally crying.

Jesus cried out to God in the same manner. Look at Hebrews 5:7-8 that says, “who, in the days of His flesh, when He had offered up prayers and supplications, with vehement cries and tears to Him who was able to save Him from death, and was heard because of His godly fear, though He was a Son, yet He learned obedience by the things which He suffered.” This means Jesus went to His Father and vehemently cried out to God. Chip imagined this as Jesus saying, “These people don’t get it! Their too stubborn! Why are We saving them? I’m trying! They don’t listen! I want to give up!” 

God heard His Son. And even though He did not deliver Jesus the way Jesus probably wanted, but His deliverance came in the form of giving Him strength to go on, to keep pressing onward. I’m sure it was a struggle for Jesus to remember His Father’s Words during these moments. It was tough to remember God’s faithfulness. But He went before the Father to gain strength, to have that peace that surpasses all understanding. He gain the courage to keep trucking on. 

And from this example, we should be doing the same. No matter how crappy it is. No matter how much we would like to opt out, give up, check out, stop moving forward. We have to remember the four steps:

I can’t; but Christ can.

Believe God wants to save me.

Admit I need His help.

Cry out to Him.

We have His promises folks. We need to remember that Christ wants us to lean on Him, He wants us to believe in Him, He wants us to admit that we need His help, and He wants us to pour our aguish on Him, for He cares for us.

If you want to listen to this powerful message, please click here and listen to "Facing Adversity Part 1 and 2".

Battling depression is no fun and it’s hard. But we have a Father who is there and has promised to be there for us. Let’s go to Him today with our burdens and admit that we cannot do this without His help.  Lets allow our God to do the work that He started in us so we can become more like His Son.

Memorial Day Flash Fiction

I am sorry I haven't written in a week, I have been super busy getting ready for Thanksgiving and Small Business Saturday! So in saying this, I want to share with you a short flash fiction story I wrote earlier this year. I know the timing isn't right, but I never shared it with the world and thought I would share it with you guys! Enjoy :)

Picture found here

Children’s laughter fill the air with chattering heard all around. Excitement was in everyone’s voices as the parade was about to start. American flags were being waved in the air, along with drinks and food. Everyone was in shorts and t-shirts today, most of the colors were red, white, and blue. The yellow sun bored down on its subjects with its unending heat with little puffs of white clouds moving to and fro. But the people didn’t seem too noticed as the parade began.

Voices rose due to the exhilaration of the atmosphere. This was everyone’s favorite part as floats began to ride down the road, showing off their variety of creativity and color. People walked next to some floats, handing out candy, flyers, or coupons to the parade’s visitors. All of these floats saluted those who had paid the ultimate price for freedom for them to be there that day. 

Towards the middle of the parade, military members began marching in unison, forming perfect lines. These men and women were both active duty and veteran alike. Some were older than others, but they all were proud, heads held high. People’s voices rose to a shout in congratulations and gratitude for the services these men and women have done for them. Some saluted the members as they marched past.

But no one noticed the woman who watched towards the back of the crowd, silent tears running down her cheeks as she watched those men and women in uniform march. She knew the price that those service members made as she has experience that price herself. This was the first Memorial Day weekend that she experienced it alone. Her mind went back to the day when she got the call that her husband would not be coming back home, ever. 

This parade was a reminder that her freedom was not free; it came with a price and her husband paid it. No one around her knew of the sacrifice he made, but no one needed to – knowing what he did, even for her, was enough.

“Thank you,” she whispered as the last of the military members rounded the bend beyond her sight.

Today is my 26^th Birthday!!!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!! I accept gift cards on and offline and I love Maurices, JC Penney, leggings, and shoes ;) I have been spoiled enough I guess - my husband brought me a .38 Special Rugar Revolver and he’s taking me out to eat and to see Mockingjay Part 1 this weekend. I received wonderful gift from my family and I know I’ll be getting a few more this week from grandparents. 

Getting a little more serious, I would like to share 25 things I learned/did/lived in my 25^th year. This year has been a rough one, but I have learned so much that I would love to share with you so you can gain encouragement from my struggles, victories, and life I've experienced.

1.       Nathan and I brought a house. Now I feel like a real adult – you know what? It sucks lol I’m not sure if we were ready for all the responsibilities that came with it, but I love my new home and would do it all over again
2.      Nathan and I joined our wonderful church family at North Christian Church on Sunday, November 9, 2014. This is HUGE step for both of us
3.      I started my own Freelance Writing business
4.      I worked in a Non-Profit – what an experience! I would never want to work in a non-profit again. I’m sorry, but I can’t stand the whole “we don’t have enough money” ordeal. I get it, but I got so annoyed the time I worked there.
5.      I learned that forgiveness is not about the other person, but for me. God doesn’t want unforgiveness to ruin my heart, so that is why He says to forgive and to practice it often
6.      I learned that Satan will attack HARD whenever one of us is pursing God in the marriage
7.      I learned to pray harder than ever this past year over everything!
8.     I’ve learned one of the hardest lessons: I am not responsible for anyone elses actions, words, and deeds. I am responsible for my own. I am realizing that I should be accountable for myself, take responsibility of my actions, and not take ownership of others.
9.      I learned that God says sex is HOLY
10.  I wrote a Marriage Purpose Statement and that has encouraged me to remember Who to praise when I see His Light shining in my life and other's lives
11.   I have been learning to look at the little things and praising God for them; sometime I get caught up in all the big, ugly things in life that I forget to look at the small things that God is doing. It made me realize that God is working at all times, whether I see it or not.
12.  I learned that Satan attacks us by using half filled truths, causing us to believe the lie that gets us soaked in ourselves and sin.
13.  God has blessed Nathan with a job after he got out of the Air Force
14.  I have made friends my age thanks to randomness and the Spouses group on the base. I have been aching for friends my age, because I love my older friends and their wisdom, but I had just missed the randomness that comes from having friends my age.
15.   I survived my first real winter! Georgia doesn’t have a winter and Germany winter wasn’t that bad compared to what I survived in Wyoming. I have also experienced negative degree temperatures for the first time too
16.  Nathan and I went to Estes Park, CO, a beautiful mountain town with snow capped peaks, tons of Elk, and beauty all around. That was an amazing experience
17.   My family came up to visit Nathan and I in June and we took them to Estes Park, CO, where we had SO much fun! I love my family and they are still talking about our adventure!
18.  I am a part of the Chamber of Commerce here in Cheyenne and I am hoping that I will find clients through the Chamber
19.  I am the Point of Contact for an Arts and Crafts group for the Spouses Club - my first time ever being a group leader like this
20. I am leading a Passion Pursuit Bible study along with my friend Lisa. I have never led or help lead a Bible study before until Lisa asked me to partner up with her. I am grateful for her faith and trust in me as we discover God’s passion for our earthly passion
21.  God has provided me ways to get to know people in my community through my job at the non-profit that I worked for. That is one reason why I felt like I could start my own business now because I know many influential people in the community
22. I experienced a tornado threat in June; my first. My poor sister was at my house, taking a nap, when I called her to tell her to get to the basement with my pets. She actually saw the tornado since Cheyenne is so flat. Nothing came of it though, it dissipated before it hit the town
23.  I drove in 4+ inches of snow - never done that before
24.  I rode a train up to Pikes Peak where I experienced the cold and wind on top of a 14,000 foot mountain!
25.  I am now closer to God than I was last year. This time last year I was going through Passion Pursuit for the first time. HOW TIME HAS CHANGED! Satan has been attacking me and my marriage BIG time since then! But it has taught me to rely on God more and more, rebuking the devil, and to pray for my husband. This year, I have prayed and rebuked Satan’s foothold so many times, and if it has taught me anything, it has taught me that prayer works and God is honoring my prayers. Maybe not in the way I would like for them to work, but He’s definitely working

I want to share 1,000 more things with you! I was sad when I reached #25! But you can see this list was only a handful of experiences and learning that God has taken me through this journey I call life. I know that God has so much more in store for me in my 26^th year! And I know I can make it because I have my God on my side!

 

Happy Birthday to me as well as a new beginning in my wonderful journey in Wyoming, with my husband Nathan, and our new church family!