You did not marry the Man of your Dreams

Our Wedding Day 03/2011

Today I want to do something out of the ordinary. I want to sit here and talk to you about marriage. Why? Because, at the ripe age of 25, I have learned many things about marriage that most women will not learn until later in life. 

Last year, I started a journey that changed my life forever. The way I looked at marriage a year ago has changed so dramatically that I wish I would have been taught this after we were first married. Last year, my church ladies decided to do a book entitled Passion Pursuit: What Kind of Love are You Making? by Linda Dillow and Juli Slattery. It was a book about God, marriage, and sex. Since I'm young, I thought that I had every thing covered.

Boy was I wrong! We finished the book in about 10 weeks and boy, was it life changing! Then the same group of ladies decided to do Linda Dillow's book, What's it like to be married to me? That was a roller coaster of God showing me things in my life that needed to change. I learned some hard lessons and knew that I had to give myself up to God, because only He can work in my husband's life. 

Now, a year later, I am blessed to help lead the same Passion Pursuit Bible study with my friend Lisa. I am honored and nervous that she chose me to help lead the study. And since I am leading it, that means I get to go through the book all over again. I am excited because some issues I have been questioning, the book dives right into and it's helping me better understand how to use my power as a woman for God's glory and to build my husband up.

Here's something I read on page 14 that I cannot believe I didn't catch the first time I read it:

"A woman never marries the man of her dreams. She helps the man she married to become the man of HIS dreams."

That STUMPED me! 

My duty as a wife is to help him become the man of HIS dreams. WHOA.

God has called me, little ole me, to help my husband become a man bigger and better than what I even think he could become. God is asking me to do something huge: to help my husband, the man I said "I do" to, to become a man of HIS dreams. My job isn't to make sure my dreams comes true (but I do believe that God will help me get there), but I am needed to help Nathan achieve what he has always dream that he could be.

Now it's time to ask the gut wrenching question: Am I helping my husband become the man of HIS dreams? Am I building him up or am I tearing him down?

Whoa. 

I fail, ladies. I have fallen far from this destiny that God called me to partake in. I have hurt Nathan, said things to him I should have never said, and torn him down. Yes, it has created walls and barriers. But I am reminded that God's mercies are made new every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23) and with His help, I can become the wife who can help her husband be the man that he always wanted to become.

I can do this by speaking words of life, letting him know that he may feel like a disappointment, but he's not a disappointment to me. He's a great husband who thinks about me all the time and fixes me coffee every morning (ok, it's for him, but he makes enough for both of us). He's a hard worker, he provides for me, he gets up every morning and goes to work just so we can have what we need. He is allowing me to pursue my dreams of becoming a freelance writer. 

I need to voice these encouraging, thankful words. I need to let him know that he is forever my knight in shining armor. He's my love and I will never betray that. I chose him and I care so much about him. 

I am very bad at voicing these things. Oh I can say "I love you" all day long, but when Nathan needs to hear "you're not a disappointment to me, ever, and you're the best!", I have trouble saying it. Why? It feels awkward. But isn't that Satan trying to keep me away from allowing my husband to become a better man through my power as a woman?

I once heard that if a man has a wife that encourages him, lifts him up, respects him, and loves him unconditionally, the world can throw anything at his face and he is unfazed. You know why? Because his wife is his safe house, his refreshing spring of life, his trust. I want to be that woman behind that man. I want to become the woman who is my husband's safe zone, his trust, his refreshing spring of love, his encourager, and his life.

I want to show him Ephesians 4:32, "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." And that is hard to do 99% of the time. I have to remind myself that God loves, forgives, and is tenderhearted towards me whenever I am an awful human being.

God has called me to show compassion, love, grace, mercy, devotion, and sweet, sappy romance onto Nathan. Because that is some ways to build him up - to help him become the man of his dreams. I am here to out serve Nathan because that is what I am called to do as a wife and as a child of God.

I want to end with this thought to you: are you helping your spouse become the man or woman of his or her dreams? Are you striving to make sure your spouse is reaching their full potential with your words and actions? Or are you killing those dreams for your own dreams or using words that are destroying your relationship? 

I pray that as you seek God on how you can become a better servant to your spouse, that you will find that God can and will restore whatever damage you have done. He cares for you and He loves you and your relationship deeply. 

I also want to encourage every woman to get the book and start a Bible study with your lady friends to grow and learn on what God has to say about marriage, love, and sex. This book is a life changing study and I highly recommend every married woman, from newly wed to 40 years, to participate in this study.

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