I was scrolling through Facebook one day when I saw a friend of mine had posted this picture. I thought it was ironic that she had posted this because this was the same thing I had been learning. And I thought I would expand on this a little bit on my blog just in case some of you are struggling with this issue as well.

First off, it's VERY hard not to take something personally when someone is aiming their ammunition straight at you full blast. It's hard to not feel responsible when a person is acting nasty towards you; this could look like someone blaming you for their unhappiness, trying to make sure you feel what they are feeling.

But like this quote says, it says nothing about you. You are not in control of their happiness, no one is except them. This can be especially hard when a spouse attacks you with accusations of why you're not making him/her happy. It's tough to stand there and take his/her accusations of discontentment and not take it personally. 

But are you in control of your spouse's happiness? No. You are not responsible for his/her happiness. True joy only comes from the heavenly Father and that can only happen if one is open to receiving that joy and peace that comes when dissatisfaction sets in. If your spouse is not open to receiving God's peace and joy for his/her life, then that's not on you.  I am telling you that you are allowed to not feel bad when they are accusing you of how unhappy he/she is.

The last part of the quote says, "It says nothing about you, but a lot about them." How true is that! When a spouse comes attacking, full force with verbal ammunition at why he or she is not happy, or what you have or haven't done, or trying to keep score, then it shows what's going on inside of his/her heart. It shows that your spouse is in the midst of a spiritual battle and instead of owning up to the root cause of his/her problem, he/she takes out on you.

Now, what can you do when this is happening? Don't even take it personally first off. Realize who is at work here, look beyond your spouses words and see the true enemy. That enemy is Satan and he is working full force.

Instead, don't own what is going on inside of their heart. However, if your spouse says something and God convicts you that what he/she said is valid, then you do need to own up to that and say that you're sorry. Lead by example.

Then pray for your spouse. Maybe not with them because your spouse may not be at a place in their walk with God to stop what they are doing to pray. Remember that blog I wrote a while back about being like the Irish Queen who prayed for her husband to make the right choice and asked God to bless him? That's what you need to be doing for your spouse. Be your spouse's prayer warrior! If you're not praying for him, there may not be anyone else doing it.

I am learning this and you can learn with me as well: Pray while in conversation with your spouse. Pray that God will show you what to say to him/her during this spiritual warfare on his/her heart. Pray that you will not sin or be disrespectful, but be loving and honest. There's no real answer here because every situation is different; however, God knows and He will give you what you should say.

And never forget to look past your spouse's words and actions to see the real need. Look at them with Christ's eyes and you'll probably see a hurting soul. Remember, hurting people hurt people. If your spouse is hurting, then you need to have compassion on him/her. Display what Christ has done for you onto your spouse (because we all hurt others when we are hurting). 

I'm not saying to allow your spouse to run all over you with his/her words, I fully believe God will not allow it either, but every situation and marriage is different and that is why I'm learning it's so important to pray to God during that moment to ask for words of wisdom, peace, and love. It's hard as HECK to do! Trust me! But your goal is not to own or take personally whatever is going on inside of someone else, but instead love them through it.

This means not fixing your spouse, telling them what they need/ought to be doing, or controlling them. Let God fix them because you cannot. It's out of your control and ability. You are only responsible for YOUR actions and YOUR words. Be blameless before God and your spouse.

Learning this has taken me a few years to get to and I'm not all the way there. I am learning, growing, and discovering things about myself in the way I communicate, receive, and respond back. I also know the struggle of owning to things I have no responsibility owning up to. I wanted to share with you what I thought it meant and encourage you to view your spouse in a different and positive light.

What ways are you learning when it comes to forgiving your spouse or not taking something personally? I would love to hear your wisdom as well!

**Please note I'm not talking about physical abuse. If you're being physically abused, you need to get help and get out quickly!**