These are the days that I wish I could give up and run away. I am tired and feeling hopeless. My days are swarmed with thoughts of the unforeseeable future and it feels bleak. I am exhausted. I start doubting who I am and why did I make the decisions that now feel like  the wrong choices. I feel like I’m hanging onto hope by a thread. It’s a horrible feeling. It’s a dark feeling.

If you’re feeling like this because something in your life isn’t going the way you think it should, then I’m there with you. Your case is possibly different than mine and that’s okay. Some days it feels like running away is the best and only option we have.

The other morning I was reading my Bible after not reading it for a couple of weeks due to my busy schedule, I was rereading some verses that I had memorized as a child. I dealt with a lot of fear back then and I still do – although the fear has developed into something else.

I was reading Romans 8:15-16, which states, “For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.”  The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God.”

My dad got me to memorize these verses as a child because I literally had panic attacks. When I had one, I used to not be hungry for three days afterwards. Sometimes I would just panic and curl up because I couldn’t move. So he asked if I could memorize these verse and 2 Timothy 1:7 that states, “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and a sound mind.” He hoped it would help me remember who to put my trust in and it did help.

But as you know, your childhood fears seem so little compare to the ones you face as a grown adult. So 15-18 years later (it’s crazy I can say that!), I was on my coach in Cheyenne, Wyoming, reading the verses after that. I then came to this verse and it stood out to me in a BIG way.

“But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance.” Romans 8:25

I feel like my hope has been fading, that my future was turning darker because I can’t see past my own fears. But this verse struck me because it asked me two questions: What is it that I hope for that I cannot see? And how am I going to wait for it with perseverance?

I had to sit there for a moment and ponder on those two questions that I felt like God was asking me. What was it that I was so desperately hoping for that I cannot see it? What am I going to do to persevere?

So I am calling you out to ask you these same questions because if you’re anything like me, you have or are or will be asking yourself, “How did I get here? Why is hope no longer in my sight?”

What do you hope for that you cannot see? Is it a better marriage? A better job? That your life will stop being thrown in chaos? Is it for your children to make the right choices instead of going down a dark spiral that you know will end in pure darkness? What is it that you hope in? What is it that you hope so bad will come true that your vision is being blurred by impatience or discouragement?

How are you going to persevere while waiting for that hope? How are you going to make your mark while waiting? What steps are you taking or going to take to make sure you are going to be steadfast in your perseverance?  

These are some hard questions that I am still asking myself. I know what I hope for, but as far as perseverance, I know these things: God is working, God is obviously saving me from much heartache, and He has placed people in my life to help guide me. He has also given me His Word to lean on during this time in my life.

So I ask you one more time: What hope are you hanging onto and cannot see and how is that helping you persevere?

Giving up is not the answer, although it seems the logical choice. Remember, James 1:2 tell us to “count it all joy when you fall into various trials.” God is telling you and me to hang in there, to keep going, for He promises a purer work inside of us, a work where we are “lacking nothing” (James 1:4). 

It sucks, but remember, we got each other and that’s the way God created and designed us to be. Don’t make yourself an Island and wonder later why you feel so lonely. God didn’t design you for that. He says in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

That hope may not always be seen now, but He promises if we wait with perseverance, then the waiting will be worth more than gold and diamonds.

Be blessed in your perseverance and continue to hope, especially when life gets dark and there’s no sun. Always remember that God is working, even when we cannot feel or see Him. He got us, you and me, held tightly in His loving arms.