We all struggle with forgiveness in our lives. I know I have. I have been dealing with it for a while now and have to remind myself that I need to forgive. It’s a tough, uphill battle sometimes. I want to talk about the three reasons why we must forgive and most of the time, it’s for us, not the other person. We are not responsible for their behavior, but we are responsible for our hearts. 

This can be especially hard in marriage. I know it’s tough for me to forgive my spouse when he says or does something that hurts me. Even though I may feel like I have every “right” to hold onto my bitterness, which in Christ’s eyes, I don’t. And I want to tell you the three reasons why I work hard at forgiving my spouse or someone else.

Reason 1: Satan will gain a foothold in your heart.

Satan wants you to feel like you have the “right” to hang onto your bitterness and unforgiveness. He wants you to believe that. And he has successfully duped every one of us into that way of thinking. He knows it takes more effort to believe we don’t have a right, so he gives us an easy pathway where we don’t have to take responsibility for our own hearts and minds.

But Jesus has called us to a higher standard. He has called us to forgive. He has called us to put away all bitterness, wrath, anger, malice, and unforgiveness (Eph. 4:31).

"Be angry, but do not sin, do not let the sun go down on your wrath (or unforgiveness), not give place to the devil." Eph. 4:26-27

When you don’t forgive, you’ll allowing Satan to rule and reign in your heart. For FREE! You are letting him grip your mind in anger, confusion, and bitterness to turn you into something that God never created you to be. When you don't let your unforgiveness go, you're allowing Satan to come in and wreck havoc on YOUR life and on YOUR relationships. Don’t let Satan do this to you. I know firsthand what bitterness and unforgiveness looks like in a person who is ruled by Satan and has wrecked havoc on their own life and the lives of others surrounding them. I IMPLORE you not to become that way for Christ created you to be much more than that.

Reason 2: God said if you don’t forgive, He won’t forgive you.

“For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” Matthew 6:14-15

Ouch. God's Word just said it all and there's nothing left for me to explain.

Reason 3: You’ll show that person Christ.

You may be thinking, “But I was the victim here! They don’t deserve forgiveness!” No one deserves forgiveness, sweetie. Not you and not the person who did you wrong. But didn’t Christ die for us? Didn’t Christ forgive us of our sins? Didn’t Christ forgive YOU when you didn’t want to have anything to do with Him? Do you think it was FAIR for Him to pay for OUR sins, sins He never committed?

If the answer is yes and you agree that He did all those things, then He expects you to do the same. He expects you to display the same love, compassion, and kindness that He showed you. He says in Ephesians 4:31-32, “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”

If you think that forgiving that person is showing weakness or isn't "fair", then look at the cross. Are you saying that when Christ died for you and your sins that it was weakness? Are you saying that it was justify that God should pay for our mistakes? If the answer is no, then when you forgive and show that compassion to a person who "don't deserve it", you're showing them Jesus Christ.

When you forgive, you are displaying God. You are being their Jesus Christ right then and there. You are being a witness. You are taking up your cross and carrying it. You're being obedient.

Bottom Line: God EXPECTS you to forgive because He FORGAVE you. He went to the extremities of forgiving you. Not only that, He knows the freedom it brings when you release that anger and hurt into His loving arms. He knows the PEACE it will bring when you forgive that person, whether it be a friend or a spouse. Unforgiveness destroys the heart, but forgiveness brings healing and freedom to the heart.

Forgiveness is for ME. Not for THEM. 

What if that other person does not want to forgive me?

Say that you practice these things and let go of your unforgiveness, but your spouse, friend, or relative has not. What if they are still bitter and angry towards you and what you did to them?

Here are the things you can do:

1.      Ask for forgiveness from our heavenly Father.

2.      Ask forgiveness from your spouse, relative, or friend.

3.      Ask God to soften their heart so they can forgive you.

That’s all you can do. If you have cleanse your heart before God Almighty and owed up to your mistake and showed the person you wronged that you recognize it, then you are pure and clean in His eyes. If your spouse, friend, or relative does not want to forgive you, that’s on them and they will have to work it out in their own heart when they want to.

But it’s your responsibility to forgive others. Satan wants to destroy your heart with the cancer called bitterness. God called you to forgive. He wants you to experience freedom and peace. Christ came and died for you and He wants you to display the same grace and compassion to others as He has shown to you. Forgiveness is not just for you and me, it's for the entire world.

The picture below helps me to put sin back into perspective, especially when I struggle with unforgiveness. I hope it helps you too. I also attached a song by Tenth Avenue North that helps me to remember that it's okay to feel the way I am feeling, but I should cry out to God to help me to forgive that person and look past my hurt to see their hurt.